A Blog – Page 5

What Cardinal Law’s funeral lays bare, if we have the will to see it

December 27, 2017 by Brian Toale Leave a Comment

The part of the church that formed around the teachings of Jesus and continues to seek guidance from his words has always looked out for those less fortunate and lent a helping hand where a need is seen. It’s the institutional part, the hierarchy of the Roman Catholic Church that has become a corrupt and narcissistic ruling class. A “family system” so full of their own importance and need to survive that they are willing to do anything to protect themselves. For them, it is a greater sin, to tell the truth, if that might besmirch the reputation of the church or its leaders than it is to tell a lie to protect it. And they use the good works of true Christians as their cover, whenever they feel threatened.

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IRCP, a wolf in sheep’s clothing?

December 15, 2017 by Brian Toale Leave a Comment

On the surface, the Independent Reconciliation and Compensation Programs introduced by several Roman Catholic Diocese in New York look like a long overdue act of contrition to make up for wrongs done in the past. But when you examine the particulars it is clear their intent is to minimize financial exposure for the church while maximizing the appearance of taking responsibility I am not being cynical, merely observant. If this program was really about survivors’ well being, these plans would not limit claims to only priests and deacons that work directly for the diocese. There are many nuns, lay faculty, and staff that work for institutions under the archdiocese “watchful eye” as well as priests and brothers that belong to a myriad of other orders that are known child sexual abuse perpetrators and should be included. …

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Shameful Republican Senators

December 15, 2017 by Brian Toale Leave a Comment

The #MeToo phenomenon has exploded to reveal a network of incomprehensibly arrogant abusers and enablers, not unlike the Boston Globe’s expose of clergy sexual abuse in the Archdiocese of Boston over 15 years ago. Unfortunately, as I can attest from being on the front lines this past year, and a survivor of child sexual abuse for the past 46 years, it is still an uphill battle, being waged against an even more arrogant network of abusers and enablers.

As we acknowledge how difficult, and unlikely, it is that an adult will publicly go against their abuser, how much more difficult (and unlikely) is it to expect a child or adolescent to do so? Especially when perpetrators of the young are usually people the child has been told they can trust. Whether siblings, other relatives, teachers, coaches, scoutmasters, clergy or counselors, the imbalance of power and authority is much more intimidating for a child.

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It gets better, but never truly ends.

November 16, 2017 by Brian Toale Leave a Comment

As happens every few years or so, my wife feels the “need” to repaint a room in our apartment, which means it’s time for a project that goes way beyond painting the walls. Starting with finding the right color, it can’t be considered done until everything in the room and on the walls is in harmony. Rugs, throws, pillows, pictures and anything else that might conflict is at risk of replacement.

The final step, and my favorite (not just because it’s the last one) is choosing photos to hang on the walls. We like to use our own pictures from vacation or some unusual scene from our NYC neighborhood. It’s the fun part as I am especially proud of my photographic skills (the skill is taking enough pictures to find some good ones) and love to point out to guests that the pictures on the walls are mine.

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It’s not compassion that’s motivating Cardinal Dolan’s Program

November 13, 2017 by Brian Toale Leave a Comment

Last December in New York, we witnessed an unprecedented admission of guilt by the Roman Catholic Church. First with the Independent Reconciliation and Compensation Program (IRCP) in the Archdiocese of New York and soon followed by similar programs in the Diocese of Brooklyn and Rockville Centre. Nothing like this has ever existed before in New York. It was, and is, a tacit admission that all cases of child sexual abuse must be addressed no matter how much time has elapsed.

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Let’s not forget the children!

November 10, 2017 by Brian Toale Leave a Comment

How do we expect children to do what adults haven’t been able to do?

As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, living in New York, I appreciate witnessing the remarkable outpouring of truth-telling by victims of sexual abuse and harassment from people of all walks of life. It is remarkable for two reasons. First, we are learning how far reaching this abuse is and how many industries have been complicit in hiding it for so long. Second, the #MeToo and similar movements have shown us how when brave people come forward, others can find the courage to do the same. This is centuries overdue.

Too many people in positions of power (mainly men, it would seem) use their power to take what they want, from whomever they see as vulnerable. Clearly, the young and inexperienced are most susceptible to their practiced and perfected grooming techniques. Yet even adults, much more life savvy than those just starting out, can feel powerless when faced with the threatened repercussions of reporting was has happened to them.

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We cannot become complacent!

November 3, 2017 by Brian Toale Leave a Comment

The taboo regarding sexual abuse is speaking out about it. Society doesn’t want to believe such things can occur in our culture, so silence and secrecy are encouraged. Survivors capable of challenging that taboo are met with doubt and disparagement. Good people convince themselves what that they suspect could not be happening, or someone would have said something.

In this climate of denial, the burden is on survivors to fight feelings of guilt, shame, and fear and stand up to the institutions where the guilt and shame belong. Institutions use their vast resources to denigrate the motives and credibility of those who dare tell what happened to them.

The multiplying effect of social media makes it impossible to deny this epidemic any longer. More victims take courage seeing others come forward and perpetrators get exposed.

Yet, with all this attention, we have barely scratched the surface of the problem.

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A response to Bishop Charles Chaput

November 3, 2017 by Brian Toale Leave a Comment

I hardly know where to begin after reading Bishop Charles Chaput’s response to the Philadelphia Inquirer’s October 26th report “Stolen Childhoods”, an article cataloging devastating and ongoing consequences of one priest’s sexual abuse of children. The bishop seemed to take exception at how few times the church’s good deeds were mentioned.

The bishop does not understand that no matter how hard he tries to spin this, the church can never claim the role of the wounded party. He begins with how “harsh” the 2011 Grand Jury report was. That report was truthful and accurate, which made it horrific, but not harsh. Harsh is the word to use when you believe someone has punished you more severely than you believe you deserved. This report wasn’t even a punishment, only a revelation. Perhaps Bishop Chaput is thinking ahead to the release of all the other Grand Jury reports on clergy sexual abuse in the rest of Pennsylvania’s Catholic Diocese.

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New York State’s Child Victims Act

June 23, 2017 by Brian Toale Leave a Comment

1971 yearbook picture — My HS graduation picture from the year I was abused.

I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. My story, nor any of the other hundreds that have been in the media, this or past sessions, have made any dent in the intransigence of Senator John Flanagan and his Republican leadership. They claim to have compassion for the victims and that they are definitely discussing “amongst themselves” ways to find justice for victims of child sexual abuse. But their loyalty to the financial interests of the Roman Catholic Church, the Boy Scouts of America and other institutions clearly outweigh that compassion.

They argue that they need to protect the innocent from unforeseen consequences the Child Victims Act might have, especially from the component commonly referred to as a “look back window”, which enables adult child sexual abuse survivors a window of opportunity, for a period of one year, to

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Welcome to politics as usual!

June 23, 2017 by Brian Toale Leave a Comment

I just spent half a year advocating for the Child Victims Act alongside a group of dedicated and courageous survivors and supporters. We went wherever we could to be seen and heard. We spoke of our own experiences in order to show how children of today and tomorrow would be safer and healthier with this law in place and justice could not be served without it. We explained how the law, as it now stands, prolongs and continues the abuse by reenacting the shaming, blaming and silencing of survivors and could re-traumatize them as they sought to be heard. …

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