See us. Hear us. Believe us.
The final step, and my favorite (not just because it’s the last one) is choosing photos to hang on the walls. We like to use our own pictures from vacation or some unusual scene from our NYC neighborhood. It’s the fun part as I am especially proud of my photographic skills (the skill is taking enough pictures to find some good ones) and love to point out to guests that the pictures on the walls are mine.
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As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, living in New York, I appreciate witnessing the remarkable outpouring of truth-telling by victims of sexual abuse and harassment from people of all walks of life. It is remarkable for two reasons. First, we are learning how far reaching this abuse is and how many industries have been complicit in hiding it for so long. Second, the #MeToo and similar movements have shown us how when brave people come forward, others can find the courage to do the same. This is centuries overdue.
Too many people in positions of power (mainly men, it would seem) use their power to take what they want, from whomever they see as vulnerable. Clearly, the young and inexperienced are most susceptible to their practiced and perfected grooming techniques. Yet even adults, much more life savvy than those just starting out, can feel powerless when faced with the threatened repercussions of reporting was has happened to them.
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The taboo regarding sexual abuse is speaking out about it. Society doesn’t want to believe such things can occur in our culture, so silence and secrecy are encouraged. Survivors capable of challenging that taboo are met with doubt and disparagement. Good people convince themselves what that they suspect could not be happening, or someone would have said something.
In this climate of denial, the burden is on survivors to fight feelings of guilt, shame, and fear and stand up to the institutions where the guilt and shame belong. Institutions use their vast resources to denigrate the motives and credibility of those who dare tell what happened to them.
The multiplying effect of social media makes it impossible to deny this epidemic any longer. More victims take courage seeing others come forward and perpetrators get exposed.
Yet, with all this attention, we have barely scratched the surface of the problem.
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I hardly know where to begin after reading Bishop Charles Chaput’s response to the Philadelphia Inquirer’s October 26th report “Stolen Childhoods”, an article cataloging devastating and ongoing consequences of one priest’s sexual abuse of children. The bishop seemed to take exception at how few times the church’s good deeds were mentioned.
The bishop does not understand that no matter how hard he tries to spin this, the church can never claim the role of the wounded party. He begins with how “harsh” the 2011 Grand Jury report was. That report was truthful and accurate, which made it horrific, but not harsh. Harsh is the word to use when you believe someone has punished you more severely than you believe you deserved. This report wasn’t even a punishment, only a revelation. Perhaps Bishop Chaput is thinking ahead to the release of all the other Grand Jury reports on clergy sexual abuse in the rest of Pennsylvania’s Catholic Diocese.
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I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. My story, nor any of the other hundreds that have been in the media, this or past sessions, have made any dent in the intransigence of Senator John Flanagan and his Republican leadership. They claim to have compassion for the victims and that they are definitely discussing “amongst themselves” ways to find justice for victims of child sexual abuse. But their loyalty to the financial interests of the Roman Catholic Church, the Boy Scouts of America and other institutions clearly outweigh that compassion.
They argue that they need to protect the innocent from unforeseen consequences the Child Victims Act might have, especially from the component commonly referred to as a “look back window”, which enables adult child sexual abuse survivors a window of opportunity, for a period of one year, to
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